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Fic: Observations, Ch 155
Star Trek

“Spock?  I hate to break it to you, but you suck at giving head.  No pun intended.”

My eyebrows went up.

“You do not find the experience pleasurable.”

“Um, no, not really.”

“Then the noises you produce have been artificial and forced, rather than involuntary.”

“Kind of.  Look, it’s fine, I didn’t want to offend you or anything.  But yeah.”

For reasons unknown, I was extremely insulted by Jim’s statement and its implications.  I do not ‘suck’ at anything.  Which seemed to be Jim’s point.

“Very well.  I thank you for your notification of this situation.”

“Spock, come on, don’t get all uptight about it—”

“If you’ll excuse me, captain.  I have some experiments I must attend to in the laboratory.”

I left Jim’s quarters.

I made my way towards the lab.  I attempted to pay no mind to Jim’s evaluation of my sexual abilities, but it seemed to preoccupy me.  I turned around in the corridor and proceeded to my quarters.  I logged into my computer terminal and went through the trouble of disguising my address and adding additional security before I set out on my research.

I typed in ‘oral sex Terran’ and variations thereof on the nets and found several articles.  For four hours, I read all there was to read on the topic.  I studied diagrams, made notes, discovered several techniques of which I believe Jim also had no knowledge.  That was to say he had yet to use them on me.  I read and by the time I was done, I considered myself to theoretically be extremely proficient at ‘giving head’.

Theories must be confirmed by concrete results.  Science dictates that those results must be reproducible.  I would have to test my newly acquired knowledge at least three times on Jim before I could declare myself truly proficient.

The time after our shift found me in his quarters, kissing him a little too hard.  I drew blood from his mouth.  Jim did not seem to mind.  If anything, it aroused him further.

The articles mentioned that intent was important and that it would in turn affect the quality of the partner’s experience.  My intent was simple.

Make Jim beg for it.

I engaged Jim in possibly the most tortuous session of oral sex he has ever experienced.  My timing was perfect—I knew precisely where to suck and nip and kiss and lick, precisely when to pull back to make him moan, and precisely how to use my Vulcan tongue to stimulate him.  The result was satisfactory.  Jim was gasping for breath, his hips bucking and his back arching, trapped between a state of ecstasy and anticipation.

“Spock—“ he choked out.  “Fuck, please.”

I ignored him.  After another forty seconds, Jim apparently could not take it anymore.

“Fuck you you Vulcan bastard stop fucking around and make me come or I will fucking court martial you!”

I teased him for another twenty seconds, then obliged his request.

After Jim’s orgasm passed, he opened his eyes and looked at me, chest heaving.

I looked at him.

“Say it.”

“Mind blowing.  You are fucking mind blowingly good at giving head,” he kissed me.  “Happy?”

I raised an eyebrow.  “Your response is satisfactory.  However, as a scientist, it would be negligent of me to come to any conclusion before I confirm that these results are reproducible.”

Jim moaned.  “I’m fucked.  I’m so fucked in a such a good way.”


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Also: !!!

Also: Am incoherent.

Well, when in doubt, research! (^_^) Also, Jim threatening to court martial him was hilarious!

I love the image of Spock going off in a snit to research how to perform oral sex on his boyfriend... And I may, possibly, have fallen off my chair laughing. :)

OW my cheeks hurt from grinning so much. You know these little gems of lighthearted pure K/S in your emotional rollercoaster ride of a fanfic? Pure genius. Love them to bits bits bits. >

XD Oh, god. That was just way too funny. And fantastically in-character, which makes it even more amusing.

He went and did research!
Oh Jim asked for it... he really did.

*chokes* Intent= Make Jim beg for it.

Oh my god, that's gold!

You know you're a scientist when this is the line that finally pushes you from humored to hysterical.

"I would have to test my newly acquired knowledge at least three times on Jim before I could declare myself truly proficient."

Oh my gosh, he's going to run stats.

I just...Spock actually looking up how to give blowjobs is hilarious and hot and ugh.

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