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Fic: Observations
Star Trek
Title: Observations
Author: jAnon
Pairings: Kirk/Spock
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I have not profited monetarily from this venture, nor do I claim original ownership of the characters and setting.
Summary: First Officer Spock comments on life aboard the Enterprise and his service under Captain James T. Kirk.

Many thanks to the_moonmoth for proofreading and comments.

Note: I've arranged the timestamps on these entries such that if you simply click LJ's "Next Entry" button, it will take you to the next chapter. You don't have to keep clicking back and forth to this main page.

I've added annotations to certain chapters. These notes are meant to clarify anything that readers tell me is too obscure, give translations for all the foreign languages that I use, denote any cultural references, and attempt to explain all the math I use in the piece. I try to post annotations along with new chapters, but unfortunately, there has always been a lag between them.

Chapter 1
- Serving under Captain James Tiberius Kirk will be a markedly different experience.
Chapter 2 - Dr. McCoy exhibits signs of deep xenophobia.
Chapter 3 - As is our habit, Nyota accompanied me to my quarters.

The Captain and the Enterprise
Chapter 4 - Captain Kirk seems incapable of being "typical in any respect.
Chapter 5 - The duties of First Officer
Chapter 6 - One's efforts to avoid an individual are useless if that individual actively seeks one out.
Chapter 7 - Canutas
Chapter 8 - Heri kufa macho kuliko kufa moyo.
Chapter 9 - The captain has been plotting.
Chapter 10 - Report
Chapter 11 - A place
Chapter 12 - The captain and I have maintained cordial relations.

Where No One Has Gone Before
Chapter 13 - "Where No Man Has Gone Before"
Chapter 14 - Jina jema hungara gizani
Chapter 15 - "The Naked Time"
Chapter 16 - So.  Our first diplomatic mission.  What do I need to know?
Chapter 17 - Diplomacy, cont.
Chapter 18 - To build a mathematics
Chapter 19 - Jazz

The Enemy Within
Chapter 20 - "The Enemy Within"
Chapter 21 - Did something happen between you two?
Chapter 22 - Chess and boxing
Chapter 23 - The crew
Chapter 24 - Tsimtseng
Chapter 25 - Thirteen hours
Chapter 26 - Six months
Chapter 27 - Your concern is appreciated, captain.
Chapter 28 - The medical records of James T. Kirk

The Taxidermist
Chapter 29 - Lt. Mmeril commed for both myself and Dr. McCoy
Chapter 30 - Taxidermy
Chapter 31 - Spare parts
Chapter 32 - Inhale
Chapter 33 - Quantum quad processors
Chapter 34 - Ndugu
Chapter 35 - Life aboard the Enterprise has resumed its normal pace.

Tarsus IV
Chapter 36 - The captain has decided to divert our course three lightyears to orbit Planet Q.
Chapter 37 - Distraction
Chapter 38 - Ruth 1:16-17
Chapter 39 - Hamlet soliloquy

Chapter 40 - Opera
Chapter 41 - The captain has been bored
Chapter 42 - Моя цыганская-- Павель Андреевич Чехов
Chapter 43 - "Shore Leave"
Chapter 44 - I would kill for the captain.
Chapter 45 - Do not go gentle into that good night-- Dr. Leonard McCoy
Chapter 46 - Leisure

The Balance of Terror
Chapter 47 - The outposts on Asteroids Two, Three, and Eight are not responding, sir.
Chapter 48 - We are stalemated.
Chapter 49 - A signal, Commander!
Chapter 50 - InterGQ gets an EXCLUSIVE interview with Captain James T. Kirk!

Chapter 51 - You know my name?
Chapter 52 - The duties of Captain
Chapter 53 - "I am sorry."
Chapter 54 - An apology
Chapter 55 - Kirk-force

The Most Dangerous Game
Chapter 56 - Day 1/Day 3
Chapter 57 - El Cazador
Chapter 58 - Day 2/Day 3

Chapter 59 - The Teknosapiens
Chapter 60 - Communicators
Chapter 61 - Eating
Chapter 62 - Drinking
Chapter 63 - Eulogy

The Squire of Gothos
Chapter 64 - This universe is different in ways we had no anticipated.  Ask, and we shall answer.
Chapter 65 - Were we happy?
Chapter 66 - It is a song.  and that is all that is needing.

Chapter 67 - Martial arts
Chapter 68 - Chess boxing
Chapter 69 - Steady as she goes.
Chapter 70 - Founded on principle, cemented by time.
Chapter 71 - Ready Lt. Uhura?
Chapter 72 - First Contact

Chapter 73 - Life
Chapter 74 - "Operation--Annihilate!"
Chapter 75 - Light the burning blinding
Chapter 76 - Pain is a thing of the mind.  The mind can be controlled.
Chapter 77 - Five bullets

Chapter 78 - I am lying on a biobed for the fifteenth time in a 140 hour period.
Chapter 79 - Christine Chapel
Chapter 80 - Vulcans heal in isolation.
Chapter 81 - Sulu, Chekov, Scotty
Chapter 82 - I would choose to be deaf.
Chapter 83 - Sight
Chapter 84 - I am half human

Chapter 85 - The First Annual DS5Mi Talent Show
Chapter 86 - Stardust spinning around a newly formed sun.

The City on the Edge of Forever
Chapter 87 - The Enterprise shudders.
Chapter 88 - We are living in a legend.
Chapter 89 - It is cold.
Chapter 90 - Edith Keeler
Chapter 91 - Life in this city is not what I expected it to be.
Chapter 92 - Cooking
Chapter 93 - Kandinsky
Chapter 94 - Since Jim and I have begun to work at the restaurant, sales have risen by a considerable percentage.
Chapter 95 - The train
Chapter 96 - Complications
Chapter 97 - Two trees
Chapter 98 - I coughed.  Jim looked up at me from his work.
Chapter 99 - Edith Keeler.
Chapter 100 - Whatever you choose, captain, I will stand by you.
Chapter 101 - We were successful.

War and Diplomacy
Chapter 102 - "Arena"
Chapter 103 - War
Chapter 104 - Nyota and Sulu
Chapter 105 - Ecir
Chapter 106 - Diplomacy
Chapter 107 - Tell me about the City on the Edge of Forever.
Chapter 108 - "An Errand of Mercy"
Chapter 109 - Torture
Chapter 110 - Indifference and war lust, war and diplomacy
Chapter 111 - Interview with Lehrer Gaestel
Chapter 112 - What will they remember of the man?

Chapter 113 - Hearts
Chapter 114 - Fuck diplomacy
Chapter 115 - First Contact
Chapter 116 - Jim and I stand opposite each other on the transporter pad.
Chapter 117 - Bushfire
Chapter 118 - The duties between us

Shore Leave
Chapter 119 - Ожидание
Chapter 120 - So, shore leave.  Does that count as private life or public life?
Chapter 121 - The lake house
Chapter 122 - First date
Chapter 123 - К сожаленью, день рождения / Только раз в году

Chapter 124 - A side of reality
Chapter 125 - Kirk, what's this I've been hearing all over the nets about you being gay.
Chapter 126 - The space between us
Chapter 127 - A doctor's frustration
Chapter 128 - Xenophobia
Chapter 129 - The things between us
Chapter 130 - I wait for Jim in his quarters.
Chapter 131 - Inequality

To Know Another
Chapter 132 - Earth, my likeness
Chapter 133 - "What are Little Girls Made Of?"
Chapter 134 - There are no problems here, sir.
Chapter 135 - Report (relevant notes).  Final copy due by 0530.
Chapter 136 - Shouldn't I have known?
Chapter 137 - For the past three shifts, I have been minimizing contact with the captain.
Chapter 138 - Or maybe I should repeat that.
Chapter 139 - A doctor's friendship
Chapter 140 - Desire and Logic
Chapter 141 - Into the west
Chapter 142 - Not sewenteen.

Actual Sex and Sexual Acts
Chapter 143 - Sexual acts
Chapter 144 - Slow, close, --intimate.
Chapter 145 - By Bernstein Sanger and Dana Woodward
Chapter 146 - Reassigned
Chapter 147 - What are your intentions towards Nyota?
Chapter 148 - Actual sex
Chapter 149 - Jim is sleeping.
Chapter 150 - Cultural misunderstandings
Chapter 151 - Verex III
Chapter 152 - Are you satisfied with your relationship with Engineer Scott?
Chapter 153 - Сигаретки
Chapter 154 - I used to smoke.
Chapter 155 - You suck at giving head.  No pun intended.

The Doomsday Machine
Chapter 156 - The distress call definitely came from one of the solar systems in this sector.
Chapter 157 - Red alert.
Chapter 158 - Spock, data?

Chapter 159 - Undone
Chapter 160 - Death and --.
Chapter 161 - First Contact, reprise
Chapter 162 - "I'm sorry."
Chapter 163 - A doctor's words.
Chapter 164 - I would live for the captain.
Chapter 165 - A fight
Chapter 166 - A compromise
Chapter 167 - Kinetic poetry

Chapter 168 - Metamorphosis
Chapter 169 - Two shirts

Chapter 170 - Second Officers
Chapter 171 - Nyota: Dagazocito and diplomacy
Chapter 172 - The best ideas
Chapter 173 - I put my hands to his shoulders and began rubbing slow circles into his tense muscles.
Chapter 174 - Sulu: The Ark Mission
Chapter 175 - Negotiation
Chapter 176 - Avenues of investigation
Chapter 177 - She will be a fearless captain.
Chapter 178 - Vector spaces
Chapter 179 - A mind meld
Chapter 180 - Scotty's domain
Chapter 181 - Unloading the ark
Chapter 182 - Shielding
Chapter 183 - A nonexistent refractory period
Chapter 184 - I congratulate you, Lt. Sulu.

Chapter 185 - The Second Annual DS5Mi Talent Show
Chapter 186 - Bad Romance
Chapter 187 - A doctor's limits

The Trouble with Tribbles
Chapter 188 - Welcome to K7
Chapter 189 - Casino Royale
Chapter 190 - Dinner
Chapter 191 - Fame
Chapter 192 - Tribbles and Chekov
Chapter 193 - The honor of the Enterprise
Chapter 194 - A nurse's skill
Chapter 195 - Mahler's Second Symphony

Wolf in the Fold
Chapter 196 - Argelius
Chapter 197 - Surety and seeing
Chapter 198 - Shit
Chapter 199 - Show trials
Chapter 200 - Subconscious terrorism
Chapter 201 - Madness in laughter
Chapter 202 - My hands are not shaking.
Chapter 203 - Engineers and soldiers
Chapter 204 - Desensitized
Chapter 205 - Relief

Chapter 206 - Definition to ecstasy
Chapter 207 - Monty Python's Flying Circus
Chapter 208 - I was thinking the other day about bonding.
Chapter 209 - Home

Plato's Bastards
Chapter 210 - Odysseus and the Republic
Chapter 211 - Speak in rhymes, know in riddles, and riddling in pantomime

Chapter 212 - Ialla'akhlla
Chapter 213 - C7 incomplete spinal cord injury
Chapter 214 - Room to heal
Chapter 215 - Do what you love, love what you do

That Which Survives
Chapter 216 - You've got to be shitting me.
Chapter 217 - A separation
Chapter 218 - Hurt
Chapter 219 - It has begun.
Chapter 220 - Unsung song
Chapter 221 - Damning silence
Chapter 222 - Fight fuck
Chapter 223 - We fight after every shift.
Chapter 224 - Trust
Chapter 225 - Exhaustion
Chapter 226 - The Games
Chapter 227 - Promise me
Chapter 228 - Half brothers
Chapter 229 - Something must have survived
Chapter 230 - Breathe
Chapter 231 - Vulcan
Chapter 232 - Breathe
Chapter 233 - Something must have survived
Chapter 234 - Memory
Chapter 235 - Why regret

Chapter 236
Chapter 237 - Object
Chapter 238 - Coercion
Chapter 239 - Survive
Chapter 240 - Shattered
Chapter 241 - Compromised
Chapter 242 - There is no safe place.
Chapter 243 - Time
Chapter 244 - Serving under Captain James Tiberius Kirk was a mistake.
Chapter 245 - Forget
Chapter 246 - Exhausted
Chapter 247 - The mad girl's corpse.
Chapter 248 - Ndugu
Chapter 249 - Control
Chapter 250 - Why
Chapter 251 - Resignation
Chapter 252 - Remember
Chapter 253 - Remember
Chapter 254 - Music
Chapter 255 - A fight, a fire, a sorrow, a struggle.

Chapter 256 - Time Passes

The End
Chapter 257 - Simple feeling
Chapter 258 - T'hy'la
Chapter 259 - Ruth 1:16-17
Chapter 260 - Married life
Chapter 261 - All good things must come to an end.
Chapter 262 - Serving under Commodore James Tiberius Kirk will be a markedly different experience.

Author's Endnote

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I just finished reading this over the course of the last few days, and I'm trying to think of something that would adequately express how much I enjoyed this. I don't have anything thoughtful to add, but there were several elements that I greatly appreciated.

First off, this fic makes me think a lot. It's really not a romantic story, although I think a lot of is about relationships, and how Spock is coming to define himself through these relationships. I like how everyone is maturing, and how Spock is changing himself. The characters don't feel static, but organic. It makes me think a lot about the reality that Spock lives in; and I appreciate all the annotations where you talk about where you're coming from, and what inspired certain elements. I don't understand Math and Science all that well, and Chekov makes my eyes glaze over, but I do appreciate the depth. This isn't an easy fic to read, and that's what makes it the more amazing. All of these elements you add, and make the reader think about, really give Spock (and the reader) a sense of time and place. I think a lot of fics (even the really great ones) skip over trying to anchor the reader in a world, as opposed to just making them feel connected with a character/pairing. Reading this, I feel immersed in the Trek Verse, and that's really awesome.

Second, I guess is the really slow build-up. I think a lot of moments would've been ruined if K/S had been together already - I'm thinking of the arc with "The City on the Edge of Forever" (which was amazing, by the way). It all feels like a natural progression, instead of something forced or acted on impulsively. I really enjoy the tension. Also, everyone seeing it but them made me smirk; and it was nice to see an accumulation of moments instead of one huge confession.

Third is probably all the side characters. I mean, I started reading the fic for K/S, but I love Chekov and Sulu. Oh - and I love Scotty/Uhura! It's nice to see that progress, too. Everyone hooks her up with Bones, but I always felt Scotty was more her type. I like seeing Chapel, and I like seeing Uhura and Spock have a deep and meaningful relationship. I'm not a big Nu!Uhura fan, but I like her in this story. It makes me understand why Spock loves her.

I also like guessing all the TOS episodes that show up, and the way you're customizing them. It's refreshing. Oh! - and the spurts of humor are fantastic, too. "Kirk-force" is hilarious. I like this sort-of inside joke about acknowledging how strangely lucky Kirk and his crew are, especially when you're trying to rationalize everything. It feels like a wink to the reader, and that's cool.

The only downside to it all is that I'm getting this dark, foreboding feeling; which is unusual in Trek fic. I mean, Jim made his last wishes known, and gave Spock his computer codes (and hey, there's "Tholian Web", yeah?) Spock seems due to freak out over the potential K/S; and with the way Jim is acting, I wouldn't blame Spock if he did. (Their first date with Jim debating was horrible. I kind of wanted to throck Jim in the head and go, "YOU MORON." I hope their dates go a little better from now on.) Also, the Equality Arc just seems rife with trouble. I'm trying to decide if I should stock up on tissues and just expect the worst to come. I get why it's happening, and I understand your reasoning, but it's depressing. But like I keep saying, it's written really well, so that means I'm just going to cry... really well?

Anyway, this is all wonderful. And I do enjoy all of this, and appreciate all the effort you put into it. Thanks for writing it and sharing, and I look forward to reading more.

(Oh, and sorry for writing a novel-length comment. I should've tried commenting on the chapters, yeah?)

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